Column | chapter nine algorithm
Url | http://www.jiuzhang.com
01
A lady walks up to a man smoking on the side of the road and says: Hey! Smoking all the time will kill you! Didn’t you read the warnings on cigarette packets? ! Man: I don’t care because I’m a programmer. W: So? Man: Listen, we programmers don’t worry about warnings at all, we only worry about errors.
02
A man walks into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The shopkeeper took him to the parrot area and told him to choose one. Man: “How much is the green parrot?” Shopkeeper: “1500.” Taken aback, the man asked the owner, “Why is it so expensive?” The shopkeeper replied, “This parrot is special. It can type.” Man: “What about the red one?” Shopkeeper: “three thousand, because it can not only type but also answer the phone.” Man: “What about the black one?” Shopkeeper: “Eight thousand.” Man: “What can it do?” Shopkeeper: “nothing, but the other two parrots all call him boss.”
03
Q: How many good programmers does it take to fix a light bulb? A: None, because this is A hardware problem and no amount of programmers can help.
04
If you put a thousand monkeys on a thousand keyboards, one monkey could actually write a Java program. But until then, the rest of the monkeys will write Perl programs.
05
How do you catch a lion
Programmer’s way: Try to catch it with a cage and bait like lamb. If the lion is not caught at first, change the structure of the cage, and if the lion is still not caught, change the bait to venison. So you fine-tune these two conditions until you get the lion.
The way the team leads: Let the best hunter catch the lion and communicate with the circus director to make sure nothing changes to the actual program while the lion is caught.
The manager’s approach: hold frequent meetings to urge the hunter to capture the lion, and if the hunter refuses, send emails with words like “You’re screwed” to make the hunter realize that he should spend more time and energy finding the lion than replying to the email. When hunters catch lions, managers praise them with false evaluations; When it comes to paying the hunter, the manager will say he really wants a tiger and tell you that your performance is not as good as you thought and therefore they can’t pay you as much as you expected.
How L2 supports team members: Start by reading a book about how to catch lions. Following the step-by-step instructions in the book (and their fear of making a mistake), the lion was so bored and frustrated that he surrendered without making any further demands.
The HR manager’s approach: Whenever the lion strays beyond his territory, the HR manager immediately sends him a PDF of the jungle policy with a link and tells him there are serious consequences if he doesn’t follow it. Even if the lions followed the law of the jungle, they were constantly sending policy updates and jungle codes of conduct to the lions, who were so impatient that they thought they would kill themselves rather than follow the rules in Outlook.
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A programmer was bored with his job and interviewed for a job as a human resources manager. Interviewer: Imagine you are in a seven-story building and the building is on fire. How can you escape? Programmer: this is very easy, I will stop imagining immediately!!
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