Have you ever been irritated by someone in a discussion? Have you ever ended a discussion on bad terms? Have you ever been overwhelmed by someone? Is it difficult to deal with the “bar essence”, “paranoia” step by step pressing, constantly difficult?
You need to create a healthy discussion environment, be a healthy discussant. A good discussant can control his or her own emotions and the other person’s and get more out of the discussion.
What is a healthy discussion? What does it take to be a healthy discussant? This article may help you.
The emotional
If you tend to get irritated by others in discussions, don’t worry, there are many reasons for this and it’s not all your fault. Instead, emotionality is a way of defending your point of view, a way of trying to get others to accept your point of view. Note, however, that once the discussion is emotional and uncontrolled, it often ends up with both sides arguing over their points in a red-faced manner.
How to deal with emotional situations during discussions? Here’s how you can try it:
- If the discussant is completely engaged in an argument or even an argument, stop the discussion immediately. The discussion is meaningless.
- When others disagree with you and are about to be irritated, keep telling yourself: I am here to find the answer, I am here to find the answer, I am here to find the answer!
- What if the other party is emotional? If the other person in the discussion is irritated by you, you should slow down or stop talking and leave the power of speech entirely to the other person. When the other person gains the power of speech and starts to actively organize language in an attempt to persuade you, the emotion will gradually disappear.
- Discussion when the other party verbal attack (even personal attack) how to do? Don’t worry, don’t be angry, this kind of circumstance is usually a sign that you are about to persuade each other, because someone already can not find a valid argument to support their point of view, this is “even can’t convince you, I also want to ruin your” behavior, you should be happy, not angry, because the winner of the game that was you. (And don’t forget to calm them down)
Not arrogant
Some people talk about learning new things, some people talk about feeling superior, and it is the latter who is arrogant.
There is no absolute right or absolute wrong in a healthy discussion. Every considered point of view is worth examining, and the beauty of thinking is that our brains allow two contradictory points of view to exist at the same time.
If you’re an arrogant discussant, you should adjust your mindset, respect the outcome of every thought, and reassess the different voices. Maybe they’re not so bad after all. If you get an arrogant discussant, remember not to get emotional. There are a hundred reasons to get emotional in a discussion, but just remember: If you want something, control your emotions and get on with it; If not, end the discussion immediately.
The arrogant discussant tends not to adjust his point of view in the course of the discussion because his point of view is so complete that other points of view neither complement nor threaten his point of view.
With such a discussant, focus on learning, absorbing the opinions of others, and expressing as little of your own opinion as possible (because it doesn’t help). However, it’s worth listening, because the opinionated discussant’s prepared opinions are often the result of careful and even deep thought, and you can absorb as much as you like in that short time. At the end of the discussion, you can reorganize these ideas, eliminating the useless and incorporating the useful as a supplement to your own way of thinking.
Not stubborn
Stubbornness is a discussant’s greatest malady. Unlike the arrogant discussant, the stubborn discussant sticks to his or her own seemingly incomplete ideas, even if they may have come from a piece of unstreamed gossip or simply hearsay, which he or she is moved to adopt as his or her life’s creed when they first see them.
Be cautious in discussions with bigots whose purpose is to present their point of view like a running list and try to convince you. You need to carefully sift through these ideas and not be misled.
How do I prevent myself from becoming a stubborn discussant? You should listen, look, and practice more. If you see ten different opinions, you will not stick to any one of them. You will synthesize the advantages of all opinions and your own understanding to form your own opinion.
Ignorance breeds stubbornness. Because of the limitation of vision, the obstinate person’s understanding of the world is absolute, monotonous, so in the discussion, you will often hear some extreme remarks from the mouth of the stubborn person.
Don’t try to correct stubborn people, it will be annoying. In the discussion, you only need to express your own views, although the stubborn person will overthrow you, but do not worry, the overthrow of the stubborn person is only a habitual overthrow, rather than the overthrow after thinking. If you persist in your opinion, a bigot will repeat his opinion many times until you stop talking.
Improve cognitive performance
Both sides in the discussion are expressing their views, and although we have repeatedly emphasized that there is no absolute right or wrong, there are pros and cons.
We can conclude that “reading is useless” is an inferior view, because education level is the strongest productive force in our times. But this view is not always wrong, and in the case of soldiers engaged in the killing of war, reading can make them cringe and shrink, the “useless reading” argument becomes a good one. In wartime, it is better to read as many books as possible to prevent short-sighted generals from making wrong strategies and leading to failure.
It can be seen that the same point of view, in different time, in different places, affects different people have different performance. Therefore, eliminating prejudice and reducing obstinacy allows us to practice more flexible and adaptive thinking in discussions. All of these are not easy to achieve, you need a wealth of knowledge and a high level of cognition.
There are many ways to improve cognition, but ultimately it’s all about learning. It is only through constant learning that you can integrate many ideas and eventually form your own unique point of view. The part of all ideas that you firmly believe in will eventually become your values.
If discussion is a technology, then improving the level of cognition is the basic principle of this technology. Even if you are calm and gentle, how can you be impressed when you have nothing in your belly?
Equal dialogue and error handling
Equal dialogue is ideal, but ideals should not be desired. The person you are discussing with may have a different experience in life, social status, or cognitive level from you. If you’re on the weaker end of the spectrum, do your best to portray yourself as a competent learner, absorbing what you want from other people’s perspectives, rather than trying to pretend to be the same, which is sadly a caricaturing of clowns that often end up being funny.
Modesty is god’s greatest gift to a discussant. In the discussion, their own views were overturned by others how to do? If you think you are wrong and the other person is right, the best way is to accept it.
I like cao Cao’s way of dealing with his mistakes. He won’t admit it, but he will change it. I don’t always have to admit my mistakes to my face. I have pride.
If someone subverts your point of view, and you have realized your own mistake, the best way is to correct it, correcting the mistake is not your submission to the other person. On the contrary, correcting mistakes is your respect for truth.
The last
Don’t stress absolute rationality. No one wins in a healthy discussion, and a feisty style will destroy you in the discussion. The mian.