0, you see, or not, programmers code there, neither sad nor happy. You read, or you don’t read, the bug is in the code farmer’s project, come or go. You love it, or you don’t love it, the programmer’s emotional intelligence is there. You say, or don’t say, the programmer’s task is there, no more, no less. You with, or not with, programmers in this world, do not give up. Come to our project, or let us live in your heart. Silent love, silence and joy… Find bugs together at…. Forever and ever…
The first thing is that he is asked to document his code. The second thing is that other people’s programs do not leave documentation.
2, program ape reading course: X language introduction — > X language application practice — > X language advanced programming — > THE science and art of X language — > the beauty of programming — > the way of programming — > Zen of programming — > Cervical spondylosis rehabilitation guide.
3, when I didn’t go to college, I ran home to the book city to buy the legendary C++ book, and then saw a C#, I took a look, hey, this ++ is also written quite artistic, overlapping, so I bought C# back…
Q: Which son of Kangxi does the program ape hate most? A. Because he is a bug.
One day, the programmers suddenly found that their pay raise had fallen down the well. They were so frightened that they hung one by one from the tree into the well to get their wages. Just when they touch the salary of time, an old programmer suddenly excited shout loudly: don’t stupid, want to rise the salary still good hang in the sky!
Zhuge Liang is an excellent program ape, each tip is to deal with different cases and written! But a good programmer is no match for a better bug! Six qi Mountain, seven into the Central Plains, dedicated, died just because there is a wrong Case – Ma Su, the whole structure was broken!
The true portrayal of the program ape in life: a game pack of cigarettes, a computer in the afternoon. A box of instant noodles and a pot of water can last a whole day.
The programmer has three children, named Ctrl, Alt and Delete. If they don’t obey, the programmer can just tap them at the same time.
10, colleagues said that he wrote i++ when always feel that I write the fuck.
Programmers, twenty years of two, beginning from the text, even test and miss. Hence martial arts, martial arts field hair a arrow, drum officials, driven out. Learn IT, write a function, use IT, stack overflow.
12, “Peach Blossom Nunnery – programmer edition” office office office, office programmer; Program personnel write program, and will program for wine money; Wake up in front of the screen only sit, drunk to screen sleep; Drunk wake day after day, screen before screen next year after year; I hope to die computer, do not want to bow before the boss; Benz BMW expensive interest, bus programmer; Others laugh at me too crazy, I laugh at their life is too cheap; But see a street full of beautiful girls, which belongs to the programmer.
13, one day a programmer to buy meat, to a kilogram, get a fair electronic scale said: “ah…… 24 grams are missing.”
14, the only test of code quality = code review times cursed/code review time.
Kill a programmer do not need to use a gun, change three times the demand is ok.
C++ programmers look down on C programmers, C programmers look down on Java programmers, Java programmers look down on C# programmers, C# programmers look down on artists. It’s the weekend, the artist is taking the girl out on a date, and a bunch of SX programmers are working overtime.
Q: How do I generate a random string? A: Let newbies quit VIM.
18. “I’ll give you a brain teaser. What’s on the Da Vinci Code?” “This…… It’s too hard. I don’t know.” “Stupid! The Da Vinci code is the Da Vinci account number, what is the Da Vinci code below?” “I… This…… Still don’t know.” “It’s Da Vinci captcha.”
19, random functions can help you achieve family harmony: Talk(){:topword(1)= “HMM!” ; Word (2) = “good!” ; Word (3)= “Then what?” ; Word (4)= “reasonable”; i=random(4); sayword(i)goto top; }
Programmers love view: love is a dead cycle, once the implementation is stuck in; Love someone, is a memory leak – you can never release; When you really love someone, it’s a constant that never changes. Girlfriend is a private variable that only my class can call; The lover is the pointer must be used carefully, or it will bring great disaster.
Female students have said that this year do not find a programmer husband, is even the holiday shopping right is gone.
Delphi like jeep, what road can drive, but in what road also not good; PB like kart, can only be opened on the fixed line, to the outdoor some instability; VC is like a sports car, you can afford to drive but can not afford, and once the breakdown, want to repair can not find the fault where; Java is like an open shed car. It can drive on regardless of wind, rain or sun. VB is a motorcycle, and the longer you ride it, the more you hate it!
MYSQL bright moon three thousand li; Next: XHTML signal fucks!
Programmer’s four ideals: the South Pole suite, Australia has a flock of sheep, computer dead light, child has a mother.
There is a crash called password input error; There is a panic called account remote landing; There is a feeling called stealth to its visible; There is a misunderstanding called man-machine offline; There is a loss called no access; There is a feeling called site access failure; There is a kind of helplessness called the bug cannot reproduce.
The serrated black body, the vicissitudes of song Style, the collapse of the head and tail set. Artists will always struggle with the ruggedness of web programmers, just as The MAC will never understand the sadness of the PC.
Program ape pursuit MM not, tearful cross-examine: what am I in your eyes? ! MM answer: real person version of Windows optimization master…… Geek buddy don’t be sad, small wear comfort paper towels.
28. It was said that a software engineer, a hardware engineer and a project manager rode together to attend the seminar. Unfortunately, he broke down halfway down the winding mountain road. So two engineers and a manager discussed how to fix the car. The hardware engineer said, “I can use my Swiss Army knife to take apart the broken parts of the car, find out the cause and troubleshoot the problem.” The project manager said, “according to management, you should hold a meeting, write a requirements report based on the status of the problem, make a plan, write a schedule, approach, alpha, beta1, beta2 solve the problem.” The software engineer said, “We should push the car back to the top of the hill and drive down to see if the problem repeats.”
29. [Efficient Programmer] When the end of the world is 5 minutes away. Programmer: Let’s do something at the last minute! Girlfriend: Ok, let’s do it one last time! Programmer: What do you do with the remaining 4 minutes and 50 seconds?
Project Manager: If I give you one more person, when will it be finished? Programmer: Three months. Project Manager: How about two? Programmer: One month. Project Manager: How about 100? Programmer: One year. Project Manager: How about 10,000? Programmer: THEN I’ll never get the job done.
A programmer is confused about his future, so he went to ask God. “Tell me, Almighty God, what my future holds for me?” God said, “My son, ask Lippman. He probably leads the largest team of programmers on earth.” So he asked Lippman. “The future of the programmer is driving the programmer,” Says Lippman. The programmer was not satisfied with the future, so he asked God again. “Tell me, Almighty God, what my future holds for me?” . God said, “My son, ask Gates. He probably owns the most property on earth.” So he goes to Gates. “The future of programmers is milking programmers,” Gates said. The programmer was not satisfied with the future, so he asked God again. “Tell me, Almighty God, what my future holds for me?” . God said: “my son, you ask Hou Jie, he wrote computer books may be the largest readership on earth.” So he went to ask Hou Jie. “The future of programmers is seducing programmers,” Says Hou. The programmer was not satisfied with the future, so he asked God again. “Tell me, Almighty God, what my future holds for me?” . God shook his head: “Oh, my son, you still don’t be a programmer.”
32. Interviewer: “Know what language.” Candidate: “JAVA”. Interviewer: “You know what class is?” Applicant: “I this person is true, work hard, do not know what call tired.” Interviewer: “Know what a bag is?” Applicant: “I this person really ordinary don’t take a bag also don’t need a company to prepare.” Interviewer: “Know what an interface is?” Candidate: “I’m a hard worker. Never find an excuse to be lazy.” Interviewer: “You know what inheritance is.” Applicant: “I am an orphan nothing can inherit.” Interviewer: “Do you know what a date is?” Candidate: “Yes, but I’m a hard worker and highly motivated, so I’m not looking for a date yet.” Interviewer: “You know polymorphism?” Candidate: “Yeah, I’m pretty conservative. I think it’s immoral to let a beloved woman have an abortion for her own temporary pleasure! How does this relate to C#?”
IT engineer = overtime crazy + programmer + test engineer + implementation engineer + network engineer + electrician + stevedo + porter + superman.
I am a program ape, one day I sat on the side of the road while drinking water while struggling to check the bug. Then a beggar sat down beside me and began to beg for food. I felt sorry for him so I gave him a dollar and continued to debug the program. He probably had a bad business and was bored to see what I was doing, and then after a while, he said quietly, there’s a semicolon missing. A semicolon? The semicolon!
His girlfriend said to the programmer, “The Forbidden City is so big!” Programmer: kill that child process…
A programmer’s water pipe is broken. He calls a plumber to fix it. After an hour of tinkering, the plumber finally fixed the pipe and handed the programmer a bill for $600. “600 dollars!” The programmer said angrily, “I can’t make that much money in a day as a programmer!” “Yes.” The plumber said calmly, “I was a programmer, too.”
39, ten years ago, female: “I’m sorry, I won’t like you, you don’t insist, just like let Linux and Windows run on a PC at the same time, is it possible?” Ten years later, AT a virtual technology conference, I heard a virtual technology developer tell me this story.
The program ape asked the program yuan: “why do you want to leave me, I do not do good enough?” Yuan said: “don’t be silly, we are fundamentally two worlds of people, just like in JS can never call JAVA class, between us is also impossible.” The Ape was silent for a long time and turned away. A month later, he released the full DWR code to the open source community.
41, [programmer’s reaction after being mentioned bug] 1. It is fine with me. If you don’t believe me, take a look. 3. It’s strange that everything was fine just now. 4. It must be a data problem. 5. Try clearing the cache; 6. Restart your computer and try. 7. What version of the JDK do you install? 8. This who wrote the code; 9. Why are you still using it? 360 security browser; 10. Users won’t act the way you do.
Knock on the code overnight, two lines of tears; In three languages, suffering only on all four limbs; Wait for the rooster crow, in the early rain rest; Then went to the gate, ten miles long pavilion; Desire tears, no Mr. Right; Borrow meager power, is willing to find a good mate; Into a pair of birds, but imagine the clouds; Volume in love, do crawler grasp; For lianchi cassia, data analysis; Si Li zidian, help frame wide world; Read the vast sea of people, how to search?
In the morning a girl holding a pile of books into the reading room, the results of the alarm rang, aunt let the girl see which book the alarm rang, the girl put the book out, ready for a test. Seeing this, the old woman divided the book into two parts. The first one passed and rang. The old woman looked at the girl with contemptuous eyes, as if to say that O(n) and O(log2n) were not distinguishable.
Programmers often stay up late have three drawbacks: first, memory is getting worse and worse; Second, counting is often wrong; Fourth, memory is getting worse and worse.
The hospital comes back with a face of helplessness and pain. Program yuan: What’s wrong? Procedural ape: I have rheumatoid arthritis. I’m afraid it will be passed on to the next generation. Program yuan: Who says rheumatoid arthritis can be hereditary? Program ape a face surprise: class is not inherited?
Do you know the difference between JAVA programmers and C programmers? In the canteen, JAVA programmers leave after dinner, and C programmers clean up after dinner. We all know why this is the case (because JAVA has a built-in garbage collection mechanism, C needs to manually free memory)← This is the reason.
The male student of computer department pursues a female student of the class, the result this female is always evasive. Male see have no drama, looked for another to chase after, result this female is not satisfied, query this male why abandon her. The man asks, “Ask me a computer question. What if you click on a program and it always says’ no response ‘?” The woman said: “Finish the task immediately.” The man: “Yeah, that’s what I thought.”
A programmer’s ridicule: both to be as a repair computer, and to be as a website; Should be regarded as kill poison already, should be regarded as pilfer number again. I’ll tell you, we’re just writing code.
If a football “sudden death”, will be suspected and gambling related; If an official “dies suddenly”, he is suspected of being involved in corruption. If a farmer “dies suddenly”, he is suspected of having something to do with demolition. And if a programmer dies, oh.
Wife is the operating system, but the installation and unloading is very troublesome; Secretary is desktop, as long as you are interested in can be replaced every day; Lover is the Internet, unlimited scenery spend money constantly; Miss is pirated software, when remember to kill the virus first.
Front desk beauty sanbao: Hello, looking for who, pour drinks; Product manager Sanbao: copycat, revision, and then down; Project Manager Sanbao: Progress, process, report making; Team manager Sanbao: team construction, meeting, performance evaluation; Data analyst three treasures: SQL, Excel, PPT; Personnel manager three treasures: painting cake, deceiving, poaching; Designer Sambo: revision, rework, aircraft draft; Programmer three treasure: frowsty SAO, work overtime, repair computer.
For programmers, no wife is not sad. Miserable, not a wife, does not stop the console prompt you Error: couldnotfindtheobject
If life cheats you, don’t be sad and anxious. Code is here to stay…
Sometimes I really feel that some things are like char*, doomed from the beginning, unable to change.
Luoyang friends and relatives such as asked, said I was knocking on the code.
56, “If you CTRL + Alt + Del, pop up the task manager, and you scan from top to bottom, and you know all the processes, and you know what they do, and you know what happens when you turn them off, and you know exactly what’s going on on your computer from the CPU and memory usage ticks, then you probably don’t have a girlfriend.”
Use IE6 to eat instant noodles without seasoning package, you know do not know……
58, ordinary youth with IDE (VisualStudio/Eclipse/XCode); Literary youth use VIM, Emacs; The idiot set the IDE to VIM mode.
Programmers for IDE is equivalent to move, change the main language is equivalent to remarry, change the operating system is equivalent to participate in the FBI witness protection program…
Programming night when noon, holding a mouse. Who knows programming xin, line all “heart” bitter; Dazed unconscious xiao, rubbing his eyes hard. Night is too hard, sleep knows how much.
The office in full swing, a strong young man while eating steamed bread, while looking at the products in front of him, scowling in his thoughts: how should the product go next? How to ensure code quality? How to shorten project time? How to control project cost? Each difficult problem needs him to ponder, choice. At this point, the project manager shouted: “Cheng Xuyuan, don’t knock on the code! Fix my computer…”
Literary programmers write code to pursue to be understood by others, ordinary programmers pursue to be understood by themselves, 2B programmers pursue to be understood by compilers; After half a year see oneself at the beginning of write code, literary programmer do not know is oneself write but very easy to understand, ordinary programmer know is oneself write but not quite easy to understand, 2B programmer immerse oneself to see along while after clap the table roar arrive: “this is which SB write of program!”
I really want to make the world a better place, but they won’t give me the source code…
You said you wrote the code you shouldn’t write, make the program is full of bugs. You say you define interfaces that shouldn’t be defined, and the architecture has to be rewritten. You said you looked through all the code and couldn’t find the right place. You said you were so frustrated that you weren’t even going to program.
There have been many opportunities to avoid bugs, the project on time, quality and quantity delivered to customers, but I did not cherish, until the end of the world, I realized that the programmer world is the most painful thing than this. If the Mayans could give me a chance to choose again and let the sun still rise on the 22nd, I would go back to being a programmer and change the world with code!
According to a programmer who did not want to be named, basically all the requirements of all customers can be summarized as the following such a couplet, the first line: simple and easy to use the interface is good, the second line: stable and efficient spend less money, horizontal batch: immediately.
Some female: you can let the forum people are noisy, I will go with you tonight. Software engineer: PHP is the best language! Some forum fryer, all kinds of quarrel… . Woman: Come on, let’s go. You can do whatever you want. Software engineer: Not today. I have to convince them that PHP is the best language.
“I love you” three words, it takes three seconds to speak out, three hours to explain, but it takes a lifetime to prove. “Bug” takes three seconds to find, three hours to find, but debug takes a lifetime.
Life is not just code, and… The bug.
73. I am good at installation and uninstallation of Ai, Fw, Br, Ae, Pr, Id, Ps and other software. Proficient in spelling CSS, JavaScript, PHP, C, C++, C#, Java, Ruby, Perl, Lisp, Python, Objective-C, ActionScript, etc. Familiar with Windows, Linux, MacOS, IOS, Android and other systems switch machine, looking for a monthly salary of tens of thousands of jobs!
Just on the bus, a child with an English book, asked her father: XXXXXX for 100years, why for here? Dad: You see, 100years is a very long time. You have to cycle it 100 times. When I heard that, it clicked!
Boyfriend code ignore me, so I quietly get rid of a configuration of web.xml, he made two days did not tune through, I told him, as a result he wants to break up with me, I am very sad, but his friend told me, he did not cut you to death that he really love you…” “The building Lord don’t tm plait, programmer which come of girl friend!” “SB, who told you I was a woman?”
Product manager was tied up, blindfolded, surprised to ask: “want to do?” , the other party language, whipping it, product manager begged for mercy: “don’t dozen, want money?” “, another whip, “one hundred thousand enough?” “Another whip.” A million?” Another whip. Product manager crashes: “What the hell do you want?” “What? I help you with projects and code and I want to know what the hell you want!”
A man is a programmer, every night midnight to go home. “Can’t you go home a little earlier?” one woman complained. Some male: “good, certain.” So next time some guy writes code until dawn and carries churro soy milk home.
Some people say that female programmers and ladies, once programming will expose their identity, habitual forehead hair up, with a big forehead. Because the CPU needs good heat dissipation when running at high speed.
82. Two programmers are chatting: “I met a hot girl yesterday. I brought her home and immediately started kissing her voraciously, and she sat on my keyboard and…” “You have a computer at home, too? What configuration?”
83, how to praise programmers? Generic: That’s a nice piece of code you wrote. Kua C programmer: you can understand this code without looking at the comments, very well written. Praise Ruby programmer: fuck, amazing, how did you do it! Kuperl programmer: This regular expression is awesome. Praise Python programmers: Pythonic! Praise Java programmers: Your code doesn’t look like Java at all!
A program ape, has not been loved by girlfriend family. When they came back from the New Year, they suddenly announced that they were going to get married this year. In line with the mentality of the gossip after asking to know — the program ape made a small software before the Spring Festival, the woman’s seven aunts, eight aunts Spring Festival train tickets to solve… He really has 12306 to thank!
For all kinds of messy computer problems, people in other industries, that programmers will what; The female programmer who thinks the male programmer knows everything; The average male programmer assumes that a skilled programmer can do everything; Skilled programmers struggle to find answers on the Internet every time.
87. Programmers and product managers watch TV together. Each program to see half of the programmers will change the channel, see half of the channel, after several times the product manager finally unbearable roar: Lao Tze just see a point of meaning you change, just see a point of meaning you change, in the end still let people watch? ! Programmer calmly stare at TV way: you half change demand of time I can not squeak!
Two programmers to the same MM courtship, MM said: “to travel around the world to find me again!” Yardnon A immediately packed up and set out. Code farming B around MM saw a circle, and then say: “Hello world!” Immediately moved MM. He’s just in the habit of making sure Hello World is there before he does anything new. It just makes sense.
Policeman: Don’t run! National football Team: win! 3, teacher: students don’t sleep! Patient: Be quiet, doctor! Parents: Children, don’t make! Criminal: I am wronged! Woman: No! Man: I swear! Programmer: This can’t be done!
Programmer: My first question is, for my second and third questions, can you just use ‘yes’ and’ no ‘to answer? Boss: “OK!” My second question is, if my third question is can I get a raise? Would your answer to my third question be the same as my second? The boss was speechless.
Q: What’s worse than seven work days? Answer: Eighth (DEBUG).
93. One programmer said, “Apple is an artist writing code, Google is a code farmer doing art.”
The program is written well, the boss is looking for every day, the program is written well, the weekend is gone, the program is written well, the field runs at any time, the program is written well, looking for you to repair the computer.
When I was young, my father often said: “Don’t always play computer! No one is going to pay you to sit on your computer all day!” So I became a programmer.
96, real name [Cheng Xuyuan]; Alias programmer; 【Programmer】; Nickname [Program monkey]; Nickname [code farmer]; Call [IT guy] frequently; Pseudonym [software engineer]; Economic definition 【IT migrant workers 】; Nickname [computer repairman].
Once upon a time, there was a program ape, he got a magic lamp. The Genie granted him a wish. Then he made a wish to the lamp that he would write a good project during his lifetime. Later… Later… He was granted eternal life.
Depth priority and breadth priority: depth priority is to chase a MM chase to the end, until the failure and then change the MM to continue to chase; Breadth first is chasing multiple mm at the same time, development together.
Front-end engineer said, I went to dating site to find a girlfriend. My friend asked, did you find it? The engineer said he had found a bug in their page…
My first love was C. I used to have a crush on Java and C++. C# is also a passer-by.
Error: Failed to find assembly wife.dll. Reinstalling “house.exe” and “car.exe” may solve this problem.
Interviewer: “Why didn’t you do your last job?” WEB programmer: “THE site I developed has never had a problem since I launched.” “Good, and then what?” “Then I got fired.”
103, In a word: programmer abroad is a hacker, domestic is a worker ~ social positioning, environment, mood are different ~
Be a man is like a product: either have a good experience, or have a friendly interface, or burn money to change user habits.
105, Speaking of case sensitivity, a programmer friend mentioned his girlfriend said mm or MM, and then we learned that MM and MM are two people…… And he said, “You Windows people.”
Will you respect her, help her, care for her and love her all your life? When asked this question, the programmer groom was a little nervous because the situation was so familiar and the schedule was set before the requirements were clear.
Girls are kind, no resistance to all kinds of small animals, such as land Rover, Hummer, BMW, Jaguar, of course, and Tmall, in addition to the program ape.
108, suddenly came to mind a question, Boeing 777 permission so high is really safe?