Personal Development for Smart People — Chapter6 Courage

“Security is a superstition. It doesn’t exist in nature and hasn’t been experienced by human cubs. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than being exposed to it directly. Life is either a bold adventure or nothing at all. Maintaining our attitude to change and showing the spirit of freedom in the face of fate is an invincible force.” – HELEN KELLER

Courage is a combination of love and power, and power is perhaps more obvious. When it comes to courage, people imagine someone taking a bold action, and action is a sign of strength. But love is just as important. Love is the motivating force behind courage. It is the deepest connection within us that inspires courage in the first place. When we feel disconnected from our true selves, there is no desire to inspire courage, no reason to take risks, no call to action.

When you are optimistic about the long-term outcome but pessimistic about the short-term outcome of an action, it takes courage to bridge the gap. If you want to give up an unsatisfying relationship, quit an unhappy job, or improve your health, the long-term outlook may be rosy, but you also know that there will be short-term challenges during the transition. Courage is the use of strength to overcome short-term challenges in order to achieve long-term goals.

Courage is an essential element of conscious living because it enables us to choose long-term benefits in the face of short-term obstacles. Without enough courage, your default behavior will fool you into a false sense of security instead of purposeful action. Keep working on a steady job, even if it’s not satisfying; Stay in unsatisfying relationships, even when you’re bored inside. Accept your fate as it is, go with the flow, don’t actively change course, and hope that the tide of life will pull you in a favorable direction. This is the mentality of cowardice.

When you are out of touch with your heart, you feel fear. If you avoid facing your fears, you are further away from your true self. Fear can’t be avoided. It’s an arrow pointing to your true self. Whatever you’re afraid of, you have to face it eventually.

Let us now examine the four basic aspects of courage: inner, initiative, directness, and honor.

inner

The word courage comes from the Latin word cor, which means “heart,” and that’s what courage means. It’s a connection to your heart. When you give in to fear, you live unconsciously, disconnected from your natural forces. Only through courage can you embrace your truly powerful self.

Consider these powerful words from Carlos Castaneda:

Before you step down any path, ask yourself: is this the path MY heart wants? If the answer is no, you know it, and then you have to choose another path.

Do you follow the path of your heart? Do you know deep down that this is the right path for you? Castaneda also wrote: “When a man finally realizes that he has gone down a path that has no heart, the path is ready to kill him.” I’ve seen this happen too many times with people who put their inner dreams aside in the pursuit of fame and fortune. Some people make fame and fortune their priority, thinking that worldly success will eventually make them happy, but it doesn’t. Some people settle for a relationship they don’t like, thinking that security will replace love, but that never happens. Some indulge in idle entertainment in the hope that it will restore passion to their lives, but it will not.

If your path is not where your heart wants to go, you are on the wrong path. The path of the heart is the path of courage, not false security. The illusion of safety is the main purpose of false roads. It tries to find substitutes for the mind in the external world, such as money and status. But if you’re not in tune with what’s inside you, you’ll never find it outside. Courage teaches you that the real power lies within, and that seeking security is debilitating.

The path of the heart is often a tortuous one. Just when you think you’ve figured it out, it takes a surprising turn. Even if you’ve found the right path, it’s easy to get lost and go off track. When you realize that you are out of touch with your heart, stop and ask yourself, “Where is my heart going?” This will help you find your inner voice.

What if you know you’re on the wrong path, but don’t know how to find the right one? Step one: Get off the path you’re on. If you can’t see the right path from where you are, you must go out and explore it. You can’t keep looking for it on the wrong path.

Over the past few years, I’ve seen many people make major career, relationship, and lifestyle changes when they finally realized they were on the wrong track. Some make abrupt changes, quitting their jobs immediately and boldly heading in a new direction. Others make a gradual transition, continuing their old jobs to make ends meet while pursuing new paths in their spare time. The point is, those who are successful have their backs against the wall. They know they have to give up options they don’t want in order to find the right path. Burning Bridges, however, does not mean burning food and supplies. You have to do what’s necessary to meet your transition needs, but go far enough so that you don’t get tempted back on your previous path.

It’s nice to see people come back into their own skin. These people felt brave, happy and free long before the external transition took place. Use courage to help them feel alive again.

Take the initiative to

Courage is an active, present virtue. It’s always ready to take the initiative, to make the first move and get things moving. Don’t wait for new careers, relationships, or opportunities to come to you. Get out there and actively create what you want. Life is waiting for you to take the first step. Use your strength.

It’s a good idea to consciously try to get what you want, and I highly recommend doing so. But if you really want something, and you don’t do it, what does that say? Doesn’t that mean you don’t really want it? When you’re starving, do you wait for the food to come to your bowl, or do you get up and make your own noodles? When your intention is important to you, direct action becomes part of the manifestation process. The best tools for the law of attraction are your own hands and feet.

Fear is a shell over opportunity. The greatest regret in life is not that we made mistakes, but that we let opportunities slip by because we didn’t take action. When you take the initiative, you lift the lid of fear and see the opportunity behind it. You see the long-term gain behind the short-term pain.

In the long run, it pays to take action rather than wallow in fear. Fear may be imaginary, but it can cause a lot of unnecessary pain like discomfort, worry and stress. If no action is taken to remedy the problem, it can persist for months, years, even a lifetime.

On the other hand, the discomfort caused by courage is temporary, and in some cases, recovery only takes a few minutes. The path of courage ultimately reduces pain.

directly

To reduce the risk of rejection, people often take a roundabout approach to achieving their goals. For example, they post their feelings on social networks, trying to determine in advance whether their future requests will be accepted or rejected. What happens if they want to do this when they’re selling, promoting, or dating someone? The idea is that if they can sniff out negative reactions ahead of time, they can avoid outright rejection. On the other hand, if the outcome can be guaranteed to be positive, then action can be taken with minimal risk.

At first glance this approach seems reasonable. There’s only one problem with it: it’s stupid. Trying to get what you want out of a scheme like this is bullshit. It is weak, dishonest and easily manipulated.

People who are desperate to avoid rejection only weaken themselves in the long run. They spend a lot of thought and energy trying to manipulate the environment while letting precious opportunities slip through their fingers. All of this can be avoided with a few seconds of courageous action.

If you are passionate about something, get it. Accept the risk of rejection and have the courage to take action anyway. If you are rejected, you will still survive and learn from the experience and become stronger. If you are not rejected, you will get your wish in the fastest and easiest way. When you risk rejection, you either get what you want or you get an extra dose of courage, and either outcome is great.

Being too direct can backfire. Just be honest, open, and forthright in pursuing what you want. There’s no need to be pushy or aggressive. If they don’t respond positively, at least you know where you stand. You have clarified the situation and aligned yourself with reality. Everything is out in the open. An honest refusal is always better than a clever deception.

When you go after what you want, be open about your thoughts and feelings and make it easy for the other person to give you an honest answer. For example, when you want to go on a date with someone, you can start with this. ‘Cathy, we’ve known each other a long time, and I have to admit I’ve grown fond of you. In fact, I like you very much. I don’t know if you feel the same way about me, but I really want to get to know you better, see if I can take our pure revolutionary friendship to the next level. How do you feel about that?” Then just listen. If the response is no, you can move on. If the response is positive, you can discuss the next steps. It only takes 15 seconds of courage to make such a statement. Isn’t that better than blaming yourself for cowardice and missed opportunities? A moment of courage can overcome many obstacles.

What if you get rejected? How will you handle the awkwardness that comes with it? If you simply accept the outcome instead of resisting it, there won’t be any embarrassment (as long as you’re not embarrassed, it’s the other person 😸). Sure, you may be disappointed, but console yourself that you have successfully used your courage. Even if you fail, facing your fear is a positive result in itself. Don’t worry about rejection, just accept it and it will happen. When someone refuses to connect with you, it doesn’t mean you’re not loved.

How would you react if someone asked you earnestly and directly for something? You can be sure that you will either accept the request or at least ease it out. Even if you must say no, wouldn’t you have more respect for someone who is honest and open than someone who is fake and hides his feelings?

Because of the nature of my work, I get new requests every day. Many people want me to review their books and products on my site. Some people ask me to help with various projects. Others want me to mentor or mentor them. I have great respect for people who tell their concerns directly, and I consider these inquiries fairly. If it is consistent with truth, love and power, I tend to say yes to them in reasonable circumstances. But when these claims are false and insincere, I assume the same is true of the sender, and I automatically reject him.

honor

In addition to connecting you to your own strengths, courage also powers those connections. When you exercise your courage, you will feel more connected to your true self. Your connection to others grows deeper as your interactions center on authenticity, love, and power rather than falsehood, indifference, or fear. Over time, these connections become so strong that they take your cognition to a new level. At this level of consciousness, you are consciously committed to living a principle-centered life. This commitment is called honor.

Honor is not loyalty to a person or group, but loyalty that comes from superficial connection and familiarity. But honor is connected to true unconditional love in a way that transcends personal status. Honor is where power and love are reunited with truth.

The guiding force of honor is your consciousness, it is your intuition to distinguish right from wrong. Right behavior is consistent with truth, love, and power. Wrong actions are inconsistent with these principles. The sense of honor allows you to see the difference.

Honor makes you realize that serving yourself and serving others are the same thing. The health of the body and the health of the cells are one. In order for the body to align with truth, love, and power, the cells must do the same. When you are connected to your inner self, you are connected to your truth, your love, and your strength. When you connect with others, you connect with their truth, love, and power. Honor recognizes that these inner and outer ties are the same.

To act with honor is to act in accordance with the principles of truth, love and power. Driven by honor, you act because you care — you care so much that you must make a difference. You are committed to living a life centered on principles, recognizing that it is your sacred duty to uphold them. This sense of responsibility makes you feel right and act right, and it is right. This is a place where the heart is in harmony with the heart, where logic and intuition are in perfect harmony.

When you are deeply connected to truth, love and power, you are driven to action. The more connected you are, the more motivated you will be. The most powerful motivator is love, but it takes great courage to respect this simple fact.

When you’re feeling lazy and unmotivated, it’s simply because you’re out of touch with your inner self. You are not aligned with truth, love, and power. When you realize you’re in this state, stop and reconnect with your true self. Remember who you are and reconnect with what excites you. Relive those hot times in your life — not because of external events, but because you are in tune with your truth, your love, and your strength. Turn your eyes inward and ask yourself, “Where does my heart desire? What can I do now?” Whatever answer you get, have the courage to act on it immediately. Rant and rave if you think it will help, but get yourself started anyway.

How to Develop Courage

Courage, like any other principle, goes in or out. Here are a few exercises that can help you build your courage while producing practical results.

Questions from the heart

When you’re planning your day, writing a to-do list, or thinking about what to do next, stop and ask yourself: Which choice is in my heart? This works because it immediately helps you weed out options that aren’t on your mind.

Even as you sit at home trying to decide how to spend your evening, ask yourself this question. You’ll notice that some options make you feel bored and empty, while others make you incredibly excited. Let your heart help you find the right direction. Note that the word “courage” is found in the word “encouragement.” When we recognize the path with our hearts, we feel inspired to take action.

Maybe you put the TV away and read something that inspires you. Maybe you’ll ditch the computer games for a deep conversation with your loved one about your future. Maybe you stop trying to scratch the boat and push yourself to make your best contribution. Mind-based questions will lead you to a path of conscious growth.

This is a question I often ask myself when trying to decide what to write next. Thanks to constant suggestions from readers and my own growth, I never run out of topics to write about. But it can be difficult to choose one of them because there are so many good topics to consider. When I stop and ask myself. How does my heart choose? The right topic usually becomes clear. It’s a subject that scares me a little, a subject I’m not sure I can write about, a subject that excites my soul. Sometimes you just can’t find a clear theme, and that’s because the heart-centered path requires doing something other than writing.

Post your heartfelt question where you can look up, like on your computer’s screen saver, so you’ll think about it often. Every time you ask this question, every time you ask yourself this question, you bring your logic and intuition into line.

Step by step

You can use the gradual training in Chapter 3 to gradually build your courage. Instead of immediately addressing your biggest fear, confront your smallest fear first and gradually develop greater acts of courage.

First, choose a fear you want to overcome. If it’s too big for you to solve right away, that’s fine. Now, see if you can be sure you can take one small action to face that fear. This is a fairly mild challenge for you, but it still provokes some fear. For example, if you’re afraid to initiate a conversation with a stranger, your first goal might be to smile at a stranger. If that still seems too difficult, start with an easier goal, like making eye contact for a second with a stranger.

Train yourself with your first try until you feel ready to increase the challenge. The number of repetitions you need to complete each step is not specific, but five to ten is a good rough estimate. Suppose you’ve mastered eye contact with strangers and can hold it for a full second without looking away. You might feel a little anxious at first, but after doing it 10 times, you’ll be doing it consistently. Then increase the challenge to two or three seconds. Once you master this, you may want to progress to smiling. Next, try smiling and saying hello. Over a few weeks, you can start a conversation slowly with a complete stranger. Each small step will add experience and allow you to evolve from novice to expert without feeling pressured.

Each training step should be as small as you want. Face a mild challenge that you are fairly confident you can accomplish. Feel free to repeat as many times as you need before you feel ready to take the next step. You can pace yourself.

With this progressive training, you will accomplish two things. First, you will stop reinforcing the fearful avoidance patterns you have displayed in the past. Second, you will empower yourself to act more boldly in the future. Your fear will diminish and your courage will grow.

education

One of the greatest fears is the fear of the unknown. This can be remedied by gathering more knowledge. Confronting your fears can be helpful, but if your anxiety is largely caused by ignorance or inexperience, you may be able to reduce or eliminate it by educating yourself.

Let’s say you’re afraid to leave your hometown and move to a new city, even though you’d love to have the experience. Perhaps the main reason for your hesitation is ignorance. The whole concept seems overwhelming because you don’t know what to expect. But you can learn what you need to know by reading websites, connecting with residents of other cities, and taking short trips. The knowledge you gain will help you act braver and wiser.

It is amazing how many opportunities we deprive ourselves of through lack of knowledge or experience. In this golden age of information, “I don’t know” is simply not a valid excuse. All the information you need is readily available online, in cheap books or in someone else’s head. If ignorance is holding you back in any area of your life, take the initiative and educate yourself.

Commitment in advance

A simple way to build courage is to make promises that do not take a lot of courage to accept, but to carry out. When you put yourself on record, you tend to follow through. Small commitments can help you overcome complacency and build great courage.

A few months before I became a toastmasters member, I decided to enter their humorous speech contest. I had never entered an adult speech contest before, but when I was asked if I would do it, it didn’t take much courage to say, “Sure, I would.” However, as the match approached, I began to doubt my decision. What did I get myself into? But now that I’ve committed to the race, I’m going to see it through and do my best.

Preparing for each round was hard work, but I found it a lot of fun, and my presentation skills improved with more than 6 months of regular club activities. After the first season, I felt more confident and brave, AND I went on to participate in other speech contests. I’m sure I wouldn’t be so comfortable with public speaking today if I hadn’t committed to my first competition years ago. All I did was open my mouth and say, “I’ll do it.”

Instead of avoiding your fears, make a commitment and face them. If you’re afraid of public speaking, commit to it. If you’re afraid of heights, sign up for a climbing class. If you are afraid of water, sign up for swimming lessons. Remember, whatever you fear, you must eventually face it, including death itself.

The last

Courage is a choice. Courage is using your inner strength to face your fear. As you align your life with truth, love, and power, fear will gradually lose its grip on you. Authenticity helps you see through the illusion of fear so you can stay in charge of your own life. Love inspires you to deepen your bond and achieve a fearless state of oneness. And power provides the power to act in spite of fear and build courage in the process.

Choose to consciously confront your fears, no matter how difficult it may seem. Don’t die without embracing the bold adventure of your life. You could go broke; May experience repeated failures and rejection; May endure a variety of dysfunctional relationships. But these are milestones on the road to a brave life, these are personal victories for you. Carve out a deeper space in your heart that will fill you with an abundance of joy, happiness and fulfillment. If you have uncontrollable fears, accept your fears and have the courage to pursue your dreams. This is the power of invincibility.

Now that we’ve explored the first six principles, it’s time to talk about the final principle that ties them all together… (See next chapter)