preface

I have never been in a hurry to act, because I feel that only down-to-earth, is reliable.

So, this year, I spent the better part of a year trying to see through my own truth in every way I could, so that I could always be on the ground, not floating in the void.

To my relief, near the end of the year, I got the results I wanted. And share with you through this article in the way of year-end summary.

Cooking with my buddies (I wash the dishes)

List of articles

• preface
• Depression and mental exhaustion
• Their roots
  • To be treated like a human being
  • Why is it used as a tool man
  • Escape hardship and seek pleasure
  • Reproduction, continuation and spread
• Three ways to be happy
  • The joy of comparing yourself with others
  • Compare happiness with yourself
  • Unconditional happiness
• Develop high-quality relationships
• To sum up

Depression and mental exhaustion

For a long time, I was in a state of “depression and mental exhaustion,” often “punishing myself for the mistakes of others.” This kind of sadness can last for several days or longer.

Finally, one day, I couldn’t stand it any longer, so I spent almost all my time, except solving technical problems, observing and studying myself.

At the same time, it was also a coincidence that I finally saw and understood everything with your guidance, demonstration and help.

Their roots

To be treated like a human being

Like most people, my generation grew up with almost conditional love.

Therefore, we are not so much children of our parents, students led by teachers and principals, as we are seen by our parents as extensions of ourselves, tools for our parents to achieve their personal will, and tools for teachers and trainers to achieve their political achievements.

Since it is as a tool, no, or very few “as people” to treat, if has never been “significant other” as a person, it will be difficult to remember, oneself originally is also a personal, but to take defense habitually, always keep distance with people, to avoid reappearance “be abandon, be deprived of” trauma and shadows.

Why is it used as a tool man

Yes, to be seen as a tool, one must not have his own “feelings, likes, desires, experiences”, all of which must be taken away and then imbued with the will of others, so that their will can be realized in you to satisfy others…

Other people’s what? That’s the point

Escape hardship and seek pleasure

For man is a creature, and it is in the nature of the creature to “seek the good and avoid the bad,” or, more specifically, to “escape hardship and pursue pleasure,” to “escape the hopelessness of immortality and seek the promise of reproduction,”

Yes, if you look at it carefully, it turns out that every person, every day, every moment, actually runs around this,

We want to be happy, to see hope, to export, to make breakthroughs, to multiply,

We are afraid to face hopelessness, to face the feeling of “dying”.

Reproduction, continuation and spread

However, after a long period of evolution, reproduction is not only the pursuit of biological physiological form, but gradually evolved into a psychological pursuit, that is, as long as it looks like “achieve reproduction”, it will feel “have been reproduced”, will feel happy.

This is also why parents, the secular world, are always happy (through disgust, suppression, criticism, etc.) to plunder others as their tools, containers, emotional trash cans, and then impose their will on others (hope, place, control, slavery, squeeze, exploitation…). .

Because it makes them feel happy and “hopeful”… Or rather, because they were “unconsciously driven by their biological nature”.

If they had consciously identified this, they might have found and adopted better ways of not hurting others, or even enjoying themselves with others.

Three ways to be happy

The joy of comparing yourself with others

The joy of comparing yourself with others, or rather, of being obsessed,

Because if you consciously see that people are always “escape hardship, the pursuit of happiness”, it is not always a point. Because it’s the least expensive, least accessible, and the source of almost all “relationship conflict.”

The core logic behind this happiness is “I have to always be more than others + I have to always be the only right”,

And even,

On the one hand, I feel wronged: caught in the magic of “comparison”, I tend to unconsciously set up “imaginary enemies”. I always have a bitter face and feel as if the whole world owes me something

— “People around me earn more than I do for not working all day… Just because you can talk your way through an interview. And I, hard work, hard work, but still so grievance, take so little ‘insulting’ salary. It is not my fault that I condescend here. It is all these wicked people.”

“Yes, I am the creditor of the world, and the world owes me something, so I have to cheat others to make me look ‘a little more’ and those around me ‘a little less’, so that I can balance my mind a little more.”

Second, very fragile: easily affected by the people around, can not listen to the slightest wind and grass. It is easy to have prejudice against people, to generalize, take “what you want to see” to explain everything

‘–‘ How about that? This kind of person also deserve?”

“Did they not, in their constant ‘collusion and scheming’ to be happy, puncture my principle of ‘happiness comes without hurting others’?” (In fact, those people may just be euphoric, euphemistically content to be “allowed”…)

“–” Didn’t their ‘grouching, gossiping, gossiping’ approach to happiness just debunk my belief that self-improvement is the only thing that brings happiness?” (They just want to be “taken seriously”…)

So, when happiness is based on “comparison”, it is easy to be wronged and vulnerable — such happiness is easy to be exposed to “endless pain”,

Compare happiness with yourself

Simply put, iterate and grow.

A few days ago, I felt very happy to see the “iteration” shared by Flywith24 in the year-end summary. I communicated with him about the feeling of “iteration”. Indeed, iteration is a great way to “get yourself started, keep having problems, diagnose problems, solve problems, iterate over versions, and grow your experience.”

It’s a pleasure to see your progress every once in a while.

Unconditional happiness

The most cost-effective, in fact, is this kind of happiness.

Unconditional happiness begins to rise only when you remember that you are a person and not a tool controlled by someone else.

It simply means to keep trying and experiencing things that you haven’t experienced before,

To catch up with my feelings, to discover what I like,

To try to establish their own boundaries.

Catch and express your feelings when someone hurts you, such as “feeling disrespected”, so that you can catch yourself and be responsible and loving to yourself, rather than regretting and blaming yourself for “not playing well” and “punishing yourself for others’ mistakes”.

The picture shows the handmade coffee of experience buddies

Develop high-quality relationships

Yes, it is to learn to “love yourself”, to respect and tolerate yourself,

Then, when establishing diplomatic relations with other countries, we should also take a purposeful approach to pursuing high-quality relations that are respectful and inclusive.

You can be in this condition and state, you can have your preferences and choices. When all of this is accepted and respected, it’s a quality relationship for you, and worth maintaining.

After all, energy is limited, so I think I can probably maintain only a few or dozens of relationships, but there are only a few people I can communicate with, isn’t that enough?

To sum up

2021 is coming to an end. May we learn more about ourselves, learn to love ourselves,

I am KunMinX, a literary teenager who has never given up on “deep thinking”.

There are setbacks on the way to growth, but also warm. Thank you for being with me all the way ~