There are two kinds of human beings in the world, one is called men, the other is women. Today we’re going to talk about another kind of human besides these two kinds — programmers! Maybe you know them, maybe you don’t. Have no relation, let everybody know programmer today.
Programmer, as the name implies, Programmer (English Programmer) is engaged in program development, maintenance of professional personnel. Also called “Programmer Monkey” : A Code Monkey (English Ape Programmer or Code Monkey) is a very special animal that can be engaged in program development and maintenance. Anyone who has watched a sci-fi blockbuster probably thinks programmers look like this:
Or maybe it goes something like this:
Do you feel the drop is so big?? In fact, these are just self-deprecating talk about programmers, of course, there are some outstanding programmers, look at them you know that programmers can be very muddy children.
1. Baidu CEO: Robin Li
At this point, one might ask, where do you see programmers as the strangest creatures in the world? Don’t worry, ladies and gentlemen, just listen to me.
What do you think of programmers?
“Do you love me? “Love.” “How much?” “Love you more than 1024.”
“By the way, you’re a programmer. Can you fix a computer? There seems to be something wrong with my computer.”
“He was coding when I started the movie, and he was coding when I finished the movie; He’s typing code when I’m in the mood to write something, and he’s typing code when I’m staring at the screen after I’ve written something.”
“I didn’t do well in the exam. Aren’t you a programmer? Hack into the system and change my grade.”
“Which game I if have external hang to make bully, rightness, you are not programmer? Write me one?”
“The school had a project due for graduation, and there was a website development section, and I knew you would, so I chose this one, you know.”
From an unknown programmer :(probably already kicked out of si by programmers!)
As promised, let’s be realistic:
1, programmer hard disk porn, no matter single or married, others can not download programmers can always find, if you like this, into a good thing.
2, programmers do have wood, want to give valentine’s Day gifts may not be able to think of what to give you.
3. Programmers can work late into the morning, then fall asleep, even if you’re wearing sexy underwear.
4, programmers logical thinking ability, and your emotional thinking may not be easy to communicate, you have to talk to his theory, BUT I’m afraid he also theory.
5, programmer money is not much, but a want to spend MONEY I’m afraid you can not stop, maybe a XX fan, a bunch of electronic products back, the price is more expensive than a piece of clothing a bag, not long out of date to upgrade.
6, do not think programmers will not play with mm office romance, people chat about QQ, you can coax the MM flower in full bloom believe it or not? Once you play it, you can’t find it. He takes all the precautions well, has a clear process, has been tested many times and upgraded so that you can’t find any clues.
7, programmers are IT masters, can solve all the computer problems you and your family, but your problems in his eyes may be very low-level, solve more may be bored. Try having him reinstall the system once a week. You’ll be mad in two months.
When it comes to who programmers like to tease most, it is absolutely unanimous: customers! Party a’s! God!! Why is that? Because their communication tends to be two parallel lines — never the same! And the clients are idiots in their eyes, they are idiots in their eyes. Here are a few customer and programmer communication jokes:
1. Client: The location of the report title is 1/400 of an inch out of center.
Me: Are you kidding?
Guest: No.
Customer: I want all the information to stand out. Turn the text up and remove the surrounding white space.
Me: Ok, but white space makes the site more visually appealing and easy to read. It makes the text stand out. You just made it tighter.
Client: I don’t want to spend my money for nothing. I don’t want to pay for nothing. Just do what I said.
Client: I want you to finish the website tomorrow.
Me: Ok. Can you send me the login information? After I log in, I can change it.
Guest: No, the company is not allowed to give passwords to non-employees.
I: that you are want me not to log in backstage to modify?
Guest: Yes. It’ll be done by tomorrow.
Client: Can you spread out the earth? We want people to know that we don’t only serve half the world, we want to serve the world!
Me: Do you want to add a map?
Guest: No. It’s just our Logo and the earth, but the earth is flat.
Customer: Could you make the color less black, say half black?
Me: Do you mean gray?
Guest: It’s not gray. A little less black.
Me: Well, you tell you where to use black and where not to use black.
Guest: We want black, but we don’t want it that black. Like half black.
6, customer: If I change the memory, will the things in the computer be lost?
Me: won’t, memory doesn’t store thing.
Customer: Why is it called memory without storing things?
Client: Why are the pages empty
Me: Because you haven’t entered the data yet
Client: No, you have to make them all display their content so that they look good.
Me: I can provide a demo
Guest: No, we want the official version
8, ME: hello, I have done according to the requirements!
Guest: Well, it’s fine. You can change it for me. I’m not demanding. What you did for me was subtle!
I:… .
Client: There is something wrong with the website.
Me: Well, what’s the problem?
Guest: The color is wrong, the font is wrong and the company name is wrong. We didn’t pass this version. What’s going on here? !
Me: Sir, you’re looking at another website. Your website link is this…
Guest: Ah, this is much better. Thank you for taking care of it so quickly
These are real things that happen to programmers every day. You might say, are programmers so good-tempered? Actually no, they have an angry side, like:
Perhaps because of this, programmers have been ridiculed by the industry as one of the most unlikely jobs to have a girlfriend, and because of this, programmers were once defined as a vulnerable group in the industry, and then there was a new profession — programmer encourager!
Programmer encourage division is not casually can be, to meet the following requirements of the line oh ~
Job Responsibilities:
The girl who sits next to him cheering him on when he’s getting restless.
Job Requirements:
1, fresh appearance, sweet voice, smile often, everyone love;
2, good at listening, good communication is not important, can endure IT engineers dead house can not communicate character;
3, play not temper is not important, to be good at finding every program warm male nature, successful taming;
4, Understand the Internet, understand technology, otherwise talk in the fog, engineers will be more hit.
If you are satisfied, do not have to sign up for others, directly to small make up my private letter ~~~~~！！！！！
When it comes to programmers who need beauty to encourage teachers, a lot of people are going to ask, are programmers men? NO~NO~NO~ there are a lot of beautiful programmers in programmers! They are the most sought-after group of programmers. Because they are few and their sex is female! That’s enough. A picture of how they are treated in the company:
It is common for women programmers to work overtime and stay up late;
Women programmers don’t have time to shop. A bug gives them a headache for days.
Female programmers to menstruation also want to honestly code;
Women programmers compete with a lot of men;
Female programmers face computer skin every day is not good;
After seeing these female programmer not easy ma Hao week I remembered my that a few programmer beauty friend again, foam foam, blossoming, however however, rouge, Lin son, still have my wife of course: rat rat! Salute to you ~! You worked hard! Come on, come on, do it dad!!
Do you see why programmers are the strangest creatures in the world? They are hard-working, they are happy, they are red in the face of crowds arguing that PHP is the best programming language, they stay up late at night working overtime, they sit in bed at dinner and their most hated historical character is Kangxi’s son, Yinsboron. Because he is Bug, one of their favorite lines is “Hello world! They see the whole number as 1024! They can also become a joke hand sometimes incarnation, sometimes change cheerful and lively, sometimes become repair computer master, they can also be happy and male/girlfriend happily spent a weekend, together about three or five friends small travel.
It’s because of them — the programmers. Let us have QQ, wechat, Taobao, Meitu software, fun games, amazing special effects, but also have them, let our life more colorful, but also because they let us brush micro blog every day, hanging friends circle has become a habit. Or because of them, make our modern life more convenient!
Ma Hao week at the end on behalf of IT migrant workers to the magical creatures – programmers, salute!!
