Author: Gavin Cheng
Standing downstairs in the run-down but familiar home I’ve lived in for more than a decade, I looked at my cousin standing next to me. She seemed a little reluctant, but she didn’t seem to show much expression. The parents took the luggage downstairs and, after some polite jockeying with relatives, didn’t let them take it to the airport with them. Before getting into the car I looked at my cousin again, wondering if I should say something at such a time, but sentimentalism was not my strong suit. She simply said, “Take care of yourselves,” in a cold, hard tone that seemed to hint at the emotions behind it. People don’t know how to express themselves, I thought.
Because of a change in father’s job, our family decided to move to a new city. There were no relatives, no classmates, no friends, and everything had to start over. I took my Nokia out of my pocket and looked at the time. It was 2:18 PM Beijing time on December 21, 2011. Christmas is four days away, and shopping malls are already heating up the atmosphere. The only pity is that in southern cities, although you can put up a Christmas tree, it will never snow. Without the snow decorations, it always feels like Christmas here is a little less flavor. Perhaps this is the stubbornness and obstinacy of the south. One year from now, on this day next year, it will be the end of the world mentioned in the movie 2012. I’m not really a superstitious person, but with all the hype and propaganda in the media and books in bookstores about interpreting Mayan prophecies, it makes you wonder what would have happened if the world had ended so simply and suddenly. Do you want to go crazy before the end of the day, or do you want to survive with all the emergency measures in place, or do you want to recognize the meaninglessness of the world and continue to go about your business as usual and wait for the last moment?
It’s an exciting scenario, but I can’t think of an answer right now. I clutched my chest, and the red organ inside continued to beat as if it had nothing to do with the doomsday prophecies. I think maybe I don’t need answers after all.
The scene flashed by out the window. Suddenly the phone rang. It was a boy from my next class in junior high school. I haven’t seen him much, and I haven’t said much. However, I heard that he especially likes Eason Chan, probably belongs to the level of hardcore fans, which can be seen from his QQ profile picture and nickname, because the profile picture is Eason Chan, nickname is the use of a certain lyrics. “I heard you’re leaving?” “He asked. I replied in the affirmative, and he continued to send some words to the effect that he was sorry to see me leave and wished me well for the future. I responded with the same warmth and courtesy. However, I am ashamed that I did not have a deep impression on him or know much about him. It was quite accidental that HE added his QQ and I do not understand why he suddenly came to express his sadness and regret at this time. Maybe it was again, thinking of me as something he thought I should be, and then feeling good and even envious. To satisfy the other person, pretend that you are that person, and then use that mask to give him what he expects or wants to hear. This method works every time. But maybe you heard something from our mutual friend, Little A, and wanted to talk to me. Little A was A girl in the next class to me in junior high school. At that time, I looked up every day was dense writing on the blackboard, looked down was dense questions on the paper, left and right were some completely can not be incorporated into the small group, in class, I tried to endure the trapped feeling hate can not hang the spine of the spine, and when I got the grades, I wanted to worship all the gods of different religions in the world. But even so, it’s hard not to hear some gossip. This is no wonder, after all, little A’s light is still quite dazzling, even if it is dull as I can not easily ignore her aura and halo, let alone those who are more sunny and cheerful than ME.
Just a week ago, SHE and I went to see a movie. I know it’s a sudden turn, but the whole story is so long and complicated that it would be dull to write about it and leave it out. “Love is not Blind” had just been released, and many people wanted to see it first. For various reasons, she and I missed the first few days of the screening, so we made an appointment to go later. At first I was just happy to see a movie together, but the moment I put my phone down I thought, is this some kind of date? This thought made me lose my footing for a moment, but I scolded myself immediately: think what! Don’t think so much! It’s just a movie. Don’t flatter yourself. But still very happy, so a careless mouth to tell ye. Ye is my high school classmate, a short girl with short hair. She has a strange name and a strange personality. Sometimes she is gentle and sometimes she is strong. Last time I told her she looked like she was going to do great things, she was so pleased, she accidentally knocked over her drink and spilled it all over the exercise book she was writing. Next to Joe’s smile is very happy, the next second his exercise book also suffered.
Ye knew that I was going to watch A movie with Xiao A, and she was also very happy. But later I knew that in the bottom of my heart, ye actually had some views on small A, probably felt that he was not A stranger with her, but in view of my good impression of small A did not say it. I asked Ye how to prepare for such a meeting and what to pay attention to. Ye thought for a long time and made some specious suggestions, which left me in a fog (I should have asked Joe if I had known). To that day, I hurried to tidy up the past, black coat black pants, although monotonous but not wrong. Wearing a fluffy khaki coat with a white floral sweater and a high ponytail, she hurried over with her iPhone 4S, which came out just a month ago, but was still five minutes late. Our appointment was early before the movie started, so we sat down at a nearby milk tea shop and watched the river while drinking milk tea. The winter sun sets early, the sky of the sunset beautiful ring huan, seems to dye everything between heaven and earth. If, at this moment, the world suddenly ended, would I accept it all and walk away without a struggle? I couldn’t figure out the exact answer until I finished the milk tea.
Little A’s voice interrupted my train of thought. She was pouring out her problems with her parents. Simply put, her parents wanted her to stay close, preferably in the city for college, or in a nearby city, as long as it was within the province and not too far from home. But she wants to leave. She wants to study in a country called New Zealand. New Zealand… Which country is it? I blurted out, uninformed. In Europe? Africa? South America? “Neither… It’s next to Australia.” She said helplessly. As a matter of fact, it was not a problem for her family to bear all kinds of expenses for studying abroad. She also made a lot of active preparations for studying abroad and checked a lot of materials. For example, although she did not do well in all subjects, she did well in English at least. “I’m not saying I’ll go now, but when I go to college can’t I go out on my own?” She stressed her voice and looked straight at me. I don’t know how to reply, can only subconsciously agree. But then I thought of something and I said to her,
“Have you ever heard a song by The golden Sea called Lolita? There is a line in it that impressed me very much: ‘Everybody can’t help but sow beans and reap melons’. As the Buddhist saying goes, as you sow, so you reap. But in real life, there seems to always be such A thing that you reap. That is to say, I did this thing originally for A, but due to various coincidences, I finally got B. I know that reality has too many constraints and obstacles, some of which are easy to cross, some of which are not, and some of which you don’t cross in the end. But as the lyrics say, you can go anywhere, anywhere, anytime, if you put in the effort, even if you end up in a place that isn’t where you originally planned to go. So I… Oh, it starts in two minutes. We must hurry to the cinema.”
When we arrived at the airport, MY parents and I got off with our luggage. Then WE went to the security line and sat at the gate. I can’t quite remember what the film was about a week ago. I just remember walking home with her after watching the movie. I accidentally knocked over a row of bicycles and had to help them up one by one… (smelting hear laugh when you need to turn over here) and the process of small A chat, I gradually found that maybe I think of her before it was A wonderful, I close to the perfect image, involuntarily want to close to, but after A little bit closer to discover the real she and I had she seems not so consistent in his eyes. I had never thought that A person like Xiao A would have trouble, even difficulties that could not be overcome. In any case, her future should be much better than mine. Yay is right, after all, we are not fellow travelers, although I may not like to admit it in my heart.
We’re finally boarding. As I waited in line for my ticket, I remembered the diagnosis in the hospital. The words in it clearly proclaimed my death. Not immediately, but for an indefinite period of probation. My mother was crying so hard, I seemed so cold by comparison. What if the world did come to an end so simply and suddenly? I don’t know the answers, but I’ve got it all figured out. I spent half a minute mulling over my future. I saw that my future was clear. In a nutshell, it was: it was not going to work out with her. I have no future. I’m dying of angina. Perhaps my own end has come before the end of the whole world.
The flight attendant began to explain safety instructions over the loudspeaker. I obey them faithfully, just like any other normal person. The engines began to roar and, after some distance of acceleration, the plane took off. The city they thought the flight was destined for, and I was the only one who knew it was destined for the apocalypse.