This is my second time – with a day of time, hungry, infatuated, reading a psychological book, is really refreshing.
Anything, if you think it beautiful, then it must conform to some law of beauty. Family education is the same. When a child grows up healthily and happily from birth, the care he receives in the growth process must be in accordance with the law of natural development. The mother-child relationship determines the starting point of life. Children learn and grow by internalizing their emotional relationship with their parents. The relationship pattern in childhood is closely related to their career, love and marriage, and parenting. The parents of their own gloomy childhood will pass on psychological trauma to their children. No matter how much they wish their children would not suffer, their subconscious mind always creates the same traps.
Love your child “as he is,” not “as I would.” To love children is to love the “wounded child” in oneself. The essence of education is parents’ self-cultivation. — From When I Meet Someone by Li Xue
Chapter 1 Awareness: Meeting the baby within
If attachment parenting that follows nature makes a mother feel confused, then she must have a bad inner baby. The impact of the mother-child relationship remains with us throughout our lives, and recognizing it gives us the freedom to rewrite our own and our children’s fates. Intimacy is the most natural state of the mother-child relationship. When a baby is born, it feels one with its mother. Without a response, the child’s world will be dark, and intimacy can heal everything. When a parent looks at a child and sees a problem that needs to be trained to correct, the child’s life is doomed. The parents themselves are quiet and the child will naturally fall asleep in a safe energy field. There are no babies, only mothers and babies. Neither physically nor psychologically, a baby can survive alone, and the state of the baby accurately reflects the quality of the mother-infant relationship all the time. True company is physical and mental presence. Being with the baby, being in the moment, not controlling and changing, is the greatest gift a mother can give her baby, and a tremendous nourishment for her own. A baby is a mirror of a parent’s inner world. Babies are extremely sensitive beings who mirror the inner world of their parents. Delayed gratification begins with immediate gratification in infancy. The formation of delayed gratification ability comes from parents’ frequent timely response and satisfaction to their children. The more responsive and satisfied a child is, the more able he or she is to delay gratification as an adult. Because of trust, so can wait at ease.
Chapter 2 Attitude: Let go of judgment and see
Do not disturb, is a respect for the child’s inner growth rhythm of the great wisdom. Parents do not have to frame their children with inertial thinking, so that children can observe the world through their own eyes and experience the infinite possibilities that belong to them. If parents teach their children with all their knowledge, the children will not surpass the parents in the best case; When parents are in awe of their children’s souls and simply give them attention and companionship without disturbing them, their children will naturally become a miracle in the eyes of the public. The detours you have taken in the past may be the blue ocean your child will open in the future. The birth of a child is meant to lead us back to our inner life. It is easy to raise a genius, as long as parents do not have to use their own rigid, self-righteous minds to try to teach their children. Does not interfere with the child’s internal growth rhythm. The process of children’s self-development and self-education has sacred internal laws, which do not need any early education institutions to teach. Restrictions are forged love. Parents can not understand the reasons behind their children’s behavior, but they should avoid using self-righteous “correct truth” to limit their children. If they are really good for their children, love is 10,000 times more important than education. Really good habits can’t be trained. If there is enough love flowing, children’s good habits will emerge naturally and without training. And behind the stubborn bad habits is a cry of love. Don’t expect change. No matter how beautiful the parents’ words are and how respectful they seem to their children, as long as they want to change their children, the children feel not love, but blocked energy. The negative projection of the parent creates the negative reality of the child. Projection is powerful. If parents persistently project negative worries and judgments to their children, they are creating a negative reality for their children. No matter how good a child is, he or she will be screwed up by their parents’ long-term negative hypnosis. The child’s relationship with society is a projection of his relationship with his parents. Whether the real society is warm or cruel does not depend on the society itself, but how parents treat their children, the truth of parent-child relationship creates the truth of the world.
Chapter three: Childhood communication patterns determine future relationship patterns
What communication patterns parents and children establish will be replicated in the future. Nothing to hide is exactly what psychoanalysis does, but what makes the truth manifest is not analysis, but love. Protect the child’s unconcealed state with the greatest kindness. Do not let judgment close his heart. Do not let his heart close with injury. The second it closed, we really missed it. Different responses lead to different lives. The best nourishment for a child’s life is to recognize his feelings. The book lists the following types: resonance interaction type, mother-centered type, irrelevant response type and emotion reversal type, among which the most ideal state is resonance interaction type, the baby’s autonomous smile, agitate the mother’s joy, the mother also smile at the baby from the heart; The baby cries in the middle of the night, and the mother wakes up at the same time, even in another room, and rushes to comfort the baby. The mother focuses on the feelings of the baby, resonates with the baby, and gives positive response and attention. Don’t judge, just feel. If parents are raised in an environment of “irrelevant responses” and “emotional reversals,” it may be difficult to have a natural abundance of emotional echoes with their children, but at least they can be consciously aware of their own response patterns. Rejection does not mean injury. It is the attached judgment that hurts the child. Without judgment, love can still flow. The key to happiness lies not in the amount of time we spend with each other, but in the quality of our company. By cultivating the quality of companionship through awareness, parents should improve the quality of companionship through self-awareness and growth, and live better in the present and present.
It’s not love that hurts
Reincarnation has a huge push. Parents from their own gloomy childhoods will pass on psychological trauma to their children. No matter how much we wish our children would not suffer, our subconscious mind keeps creating the same traps. Some parents adhere to the concept of “love and Freedom” (Sun Ruixue’s book is “Love and Freedom”, sun Ruixue education institute promotes the same parenting philosophy), but they are often attacked by those around them, because of the human subconscious. People without awareness cannot see children enjoying love and freedom, which triggers old wounds. Being a good parent requires a strong sense of self, a willingness to grow, and then be as strong as a lioness and stand up for your child. There are no boundaries, for lack of the capacity to love. No boundaries, not because of selfless; No boundaries, even if it is to pay, it is selfish behavior. One body can only sustain one soul, and if parental control is impenetrable, the child is effectively spiritually dead. Children do not have to pay for their parents’ mistakes. Each of us lives by our own choices and children do not have to bear the consequences of their parents’ choices. We don’t have to repair our relationship with our parents in order to grow. Parents may never really be able to see their children, but we can still grow up and have the freedom to love or not love them. Control is emotional blackmail. Where the parent’s desire for control extends, the child will experience a lifetime of twisted pain there.
Chapter 5 External: You deserve better
Get rid of the limiting beliefs in your subconscious mind and your future development will not be restricted.
True enrichment is the flow of inner abundance. If parents fail to pass on feelings of deprivation and guilt to their children, their future relationship with money will be heavy and difficult.
Think you’re worth it and wealth will follow. If parents have no sense of lack of money and fully satisfy their children within their ability, their children’s future relationship with money will naturally be easy and rich.
