40, programmer’s midlife crisis

Abstract: Work hard without persistence.

• Why are your efforts meaningless?
• Author: Shen Shijun

FundebugReproduced with authorization, copyright belongs to the original author.

This year just 40 years old, in a famous foreign company to do the position of technical experts, in the eyes of relatives and friends, just like half a “successful person”, but deep in the heart, but without a moment of fear. I know that I am just like a man on stilts in the wind and rain. Even if there is a gust of wind or a mistake, I will fall heavily and even cannot get up again.

I have a habit of updating my resume every year. On the one hand, I want to see if THERE are better opportunities, and on the other hand, I want to know about the market situation and technical trends, which are also the direction of my efforts in the next year.

From the age of 30 to 40, every year for the whole 10 years, this form has effectively encouraged me to study and work hard. Because I believe that as long as I keep working hard, I will always stand in the forefront of technology, I will always keep strong competitiveness, and the so-called “midlife crisis” will never fall on my head.

But as I get older, as the interview situation gets worse and worse, I doubt the value of “hard work” more and more, and come to understand the words I heard when I was younger: “The so-called tragic life lies not only in being hit by misfortune, but also in the inevitability of such misfortune.” And “midlife crisis” is such an inevitable tragedy of life. For the vast majority of people, no matter how hard they struggle, there is no escape.

At the beginning of the year, I came to a video website to apply for a senior software engineer across more than half of Beijing. I was fully prepared and in a brilliant state, and I beat all the way in the technical link. Therefore, when I was waiting for the director interview in the conference room, I was full of confidence, thinking that the offer was in the bag.

I’ve decided that when the director sits down with me to talk about my vision, I’m going to bring my depth and breadth of skills to the table. I’m going to talk to him about architecture, trends,… However, when the director opened the door and I stood up to greet him, I read a distinct surprise and disappointment on his face rather than a smile. He didn’t even sit down, simply asking a database question and wrapping up the interview.

In this interview, even after a few months, I can still clearly remember the expression on the director’s face. What he expected was not a sly, greasy middle-aged uncle, but a vigorous, obedient, and able-bodied young man who could work overtime.

So I changed my strategy and went for an architect instead. This is obviously the right way, the interview is much more harmonious, and did not meet the early interview of pure development of the embarrassment of the post.

I was interviewed by a nice guy in his early 30s for the position of big data architect in the technical section of a famous mall in China. Our thinking was quite consistent throughout the whole process and we could see that the guy was very satisfied with me. Therefore, when the interview was over and the guy told me to go back and wait for the notice, I was quite surprised. Feel oneself may be by the tragic “set”, simply ask directly: “I am not quite let you down, so set me, let me go back to wait for the news?” The young man was straightforward and even a little excited. He turned to me and handed me some of his resume.

“Look, this is the candidate we met with recently, this is the chief scientist of XXX, this is the VP of XXX, and this is… By comparison, your background is so mediocre that I only put you on the shortlist because you have good skills. I am not fooling you, there is only one architect, the company must repeatedly screen in which, I also see zha two good chat, just show you these things.”

It turned out that the guy was really a sincere man. I received the notice of the second interview soon. After two months and six rounds of interviews, I finally got the final offer. However, one of the uneasy, depression, since not for humanity, and then superimposed before the interview of high humiliation, so that I clearly feel the age of workplace people’s distress.

Looking for a job made me confirm a problem: as long as you reach the red line of age (about 34 years old), no matter how hard you work, no matter how good your skills are, no matter how enthusiastic you are, it will not even give you the opportunity to interview. ** Therefore, when you get older, if you want to make a living, you have to sharpen your head and go up to be an architect and a manager. But the cruel thing is, in the pyramid structure, these positions are bound to be relatively rare, and what is the way out for those older technical people who do not go to management positions?

As a college student in the 1990s, once the “favored child of Heaven”, from the student days, I always urge myself to study hard, work hard, afraid of which step is wrong, be abandoned by technology, by The Times. But what is the reality? So what if you’re fluent in multiple programming languages, familiar with design patterns, big data, and AI?

You don’t want to be a director, you don’t want to be a CTO, you just want to quietly research technology, is that a high requirement? However, the reality is so cruel, you either work hard “struggle”, step on the failure of everyone to become the so-called “manager”, or will fall into a sad loser, there is no warmth in the middle.

In our value system, “hard” is a very the right thing, but in our efforts at the same time, it will not to think about the value behind the efforts, most of the time, we just enjoy the “hard” feeling, because in the face of heavy reality, only by constantly “effort” to slightly reduce our great anxiety.

Those poisonous chicken soup, teach people to work hard, to surpass, to succeed, to be the master! However, for a group, this kind of chicken soup is not very nutritious, because in a group, only a few people can succeed, the so-called efforts only increase the difficulty of survival of the whole group (think of the endless overtime), as for the success rate of the whole group does not change.

And to improve the success rate of the whole group, the society should be able to accommodate more diversified values: you are good at communication, like management, yes, work hard, SAO Nian, become CEO! And you like technology, yes, I admire you, creating conditions for you to immerse yourself in research, and looking forward with confidence to your innovation. Even if you are so unmotivated, content with the picket fence of “wife and kids,” I don’t admire you, but I definitely don’t despise you. Who stipulated that those who “struggle” are nobler than those who don’t “struggle”?

In order to improve the success rate of the whole group, in addition to more diversified values, it is urgent to change the current bad labor relations, such as vicious overtime (such as 996), age discrimination and gender discrimination. Because only in this way, it is possible to maximize the extension of the career life of employees, so that there is room for discussion of individual efforts. Otherwise, the so-called efforts will eventually be alienated to sell youth in a sweatshop when you are young, and when you are old and tired, you will be mercilessly swept out by the capitalists, leaving a sigh!

In 10 years, life has gradually changed me from a blindly optimistic young man to a pessimist, but it is undoubtedly the best me in history. I’ve come to terms with my mediocrity, given up the illusion of being a protagonist, and accepted that I’m just another human being.

I’m pessimistic, but I’m more rational, because the best way to be rational is to master pessimism, like Seneca, who believed that anger and disappointment stem from optimistic expectations. The inhabitants of Northern Europe are not outraged by the rain, the Inuit are not disappointed by the rain, and I am not put off by the hammering of life in the future, which is not beyond my expectations.

However, even so, I still want to write my own experience, to express my thoughts, that is because:

Although we are struggling in the bottom of the ordinary people, helpless, humble, cowardly, but we are not stupid, never numb. Although we are powerless to change this ridiculous status quo, but also will not be this ridiculous status quo applaud, more will not rationalize this ridiculous, become a pathetic hateful “struggle force”!

“The night gave me black eyes, but I use them to find the light.”

— Gu Cheng, “A Generation”

Additional comments by the author

“Direction is more important than effort,” but it is more important to know where to go.

For us ordinary people, there are no more than two directions: to do technology or management. Do technology, old age, social tolerance is very low, people don’t even give you a chance. As for the whole group, it is totally untenable to point out management as a direction, just as it is impossible to take the top three students in the exam as the direction of a class.

Why can’t 40+ apply for an entry-level technical position (” senior software engineer “is not an entry-level position in my opinion)? If you have read my other articles, you will know that I worked in a management position for quite a while (5 years), but since I was more interested in technology, I took the initiative to switch back to a technical position. Your opinion also reflects the society’s lack of tolerance for older technicians.

Besides, you said THAT I should try to get a CTO, unless you are talking about a small company with only 3 or 4 guns and no guarantee. As far as I know, ctos of large scale companies are either the early technical founders of the company or well-known managers in the industry. At that level, do they need to go to the talent market to publicly apply for jobs?

Also, you discussed a CTO with a chance of less than 1% as an option. Do you feel constructive to the people in this article?

If you’ve read my other articles, you know my core point: today, all workers have a “midlife crisis” because of poor labor relations (e.g. age discrimination, excessive overtime), resulting in a narrowing of their career opportunities (whether managerial or technical). As for how to solve this situation, it is difficult to start from the individual, because this is a social problem in nature, and what individuals can do is to adjust their mentality and other tinkering, which does not contribute to the overall change of the status quo.

But I’m sure you still have a question: why am I writing these articles when it’s hard to avoid the tragedy of a midlife crisis through personal efforts? That’s because:

Although we are struggling in the bottom of the ordinary people, although the eyes with tears, humble, cowardly, but we should never be numb, although we are unable to change the status quo of the absurd, but also should never for the status quo of the absurd, even tried to rationalize this absurdity, thus become a deplorable “fighting force”!

Hooke’s comments

Attention to ms shen for a while, answered a lot of attention in older IT professionals as well as the prospect of living state, etc, basically most of the point of view I agree, also learned a lot, ms shen of this article is in conformity with the reality, I think to write many times efforts can really bring change than you had expected much lower, I am now in my early 30s. I think I have a lot in common with Mr. Shen in terms of values and personality. Recently, I have been thinking about similar issues and have some ideas for your reference.

Sources of thinking and anxiety:

• I personally feel that a similar problem for most of the people in the popular success definition is “better-off ratio descend enough to spare”, can also be mixed in the industry, is still far not reached the level of the top, but the growth of individual education experience can give oneself can become a “top” illusion, young, you may feel that now is not the top, is likely to be in hibernation, It is possible to get to the top through hard work, or at least not to fall behind, but as you get older, the feeling of powerlessness to reach the top becomes stronger and stronger, which is different from the life you dreamed of when you were a child or a young adult, and hence the anxiety of more or less “midlife crisis”.

• Deep analysis from the perspective of psychological there may be some narcissistic tendencies + insecurity, think through own efforts from the second line or to the first-tier cities based on the following cities have been less easy, easy to let a person feel some narcissism, especially afraid of again at the same time which step error due to lose it all, particularly strong consciousness of in time of peace prepare for war, trying to let oneself have safe feeling, The percentage of people who feel this way is statistically very high. When I was an undergraduate, someone once told me that I had a tendency toward narcissism. At that time, I looked down my nose at it, but now I think it is quite reasonable and I agree with it. It is really a long and lasting process to understand myself.

My own view of such questions is as follows:

• Everyone should have a certain sense of crisis, it is no harm to think more about the future, but we must live in the present and enjoy the present life. Whether we are happy in life has little to do with the class we are in and how much money we make. What matters is whether we have the ability to be happy. Fully recognize the importance of ability and opportunity, do not force. I remember when I was a graduate student, a teacher once said that it is good to be yourself in scientific research and publishing articles. We must understand the gap in people’s ability, otherwise it is easy to get unbalanced and fall into depression, not to mention luck and opportunities. It is good to treat them correctly. Find your own positioning, more vertical comparison with yourself, less horizontal comparison, sometimes personal efforts may not be as expected, but we may alleviate anxiety through this process, enhance the sense of security, there may be a certain illusion, but this is enough.

• View the society by the laws of nature, the reality is cruel, young can try very hard to of the lion is the position that will replace the old lion, more can adapt to the environment, less fantasy turn management or technology must be able to benefit at top, grinds only receive the probabilistic rules of the world, invictus, man day, if failed behind also normal, life is but one hundred, You don’t have to look so hard. I agree with Professor Shen’s idea of “more diversified values”, but it doesn’t have to be recognized by the society, just by oneself. In my opinion, the society must recognize the values that can obtain more resources (people, power and money), which can promote the society to move forward. It’s possible to do it all at once, but for most people, it’s a conflict.

• More from a view of the participants, rather than of tves Angle of view to see and feel the world, and now I graduated from undergraduate course can be said to have been in hot pursuit of the so-called tuyere, 07 – ’08 about embedded system development, 09-15 years of graduate school and space dream, 16 to the present research and development of the Internet, a lot of people think career might be a little lack of concentration, But I feel that I have experienced, as a practitioner, the changes of The Times, the changes brought by technology, and the inner satisfaction. Future I will chase the AI, not because of better treatment, but prefer (10 years graduate student stage is thought to the AI technique, expert system technology for the opening space as a subject, a variety of reasons fail to live up to), can better in the first line feeling “the fourth industrial revolution” brought the change, Makes me feel like I’m drinking sweet.

• Comments with ms shen resale anxiety and ms shen’s own think not, my personal feeling is ms shen this article or expressed some anxiety, anxiety to packaging and write little feeling to see person still can feel, in fact, this also nothing, very normal, everybody has, different people to deal with different methods.

Many of the above are sentient and not well organized. I will sort out the relevant articles separately for everyone to discuss.

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