Meg Jay, the creator of one of TED’s most popular videos, “20 Is Never Again,” is a psychotherapist. Her first client was a woman in her 20s who was deeply involved with a “cheating and philandering man.”

She wanted to talk to Meg Jay about men and relationships.

The 20-year-old’s favorite saying is, “30 is the next 20,” and she admits, “She’s not going to marry this guy,” because at 20, she still has a lot of time.

At first, Meg Jay and this girl had an idea. The biggest asset for 20-year-olds is that they have plenty of time.

But soon, her mentor urged her, you have to guide this girl quickly, because she will not marry this man, but she will marry the next man, “they” may be just as bad.

And the best advice would be before she’s of marriageable age.

It was at this point that Meg Jay realized,“30 is not a new 20.” The choices you make at 20 will affect the decisions you make at 30.

Eighty percent of our defining moments happen by age 35, which means that most of those realizations, epiphanies, and epiphanies happen by our mid-30s.

But what happens if you pat your head and say to a 20-year-old, “You have 10 years from now before you have an important moment in your life”?

Nothing is going to happen. Because it’s like telling someone they have 10 more years to splurge. You steal his sense of urgency and make him completely “comfortable.” What else can happen?

Once you hit 30, you suddenly realize you can’t have the career you want, you don’t love your family, you can’t afford to give your kids a brother or sister, and then think back to your 20-year-old self. What was you doing then?

Well, you were in your very safe comfort zone, waiting to turn 30.

Twenty years old is a critical period of one’s development. And we’re squandering it.



We are accustomed to neglect, but there will be more confusion later — why I still have nothing at the age of 30, why I see tall buildings standing in the distance, while you work overtime at night, still have no house, no car and no savings.

Perhaps you are deeply afraid, in such a night, which naive forgotten.

So what should a 20-year-old “you” do to stay sane for the rest of your life?

Step out of your comfort zone and do your best to live the life you truly want. In this way, you may not be left behind.

Meg Jay shared some important advice.

She says she met Emma, a 20-something who came to her surgery with a passion for a career in art.

Emma has been very anxious all the time. She lives in a bad environment, has a boyfriend whose temper is stronger than her ability, and has never done the job she has always wanted to do. She has been cleaning dishes as waitress for a long time.

One day, she suddenly came to the doctor’s office and cried for a long time, saying, “If I have a car accident, who will take care of me?” She did not know who her emergency contact would be.



Meg Jay gave her advice: Forget about your identity crisis and start rebuilding your identity capital. At the same time, get out of your comfort zone, don’t wallow in your inner circle, and actively build up your weak ties.

Accumulating identity capital is actually doing things that add value to one’s self. You need to get out of your comfort zone and resume some meaningful work or study. At the same time, meet more friends of friends of friends, and get completely different information through these “weak ties.”

New capital and information are coming more often than not from outside your comfort zone.

Emma follows this advice and takes a job at an art museum, which gives her enough reason to leave cheating men. Now, there’s not enough room for her emergency contacts.



Getting out of your comfort zone, doing more things that add value to you, meeting people you don’t know completely, and taking in more different information is the best thing 20-year-olds can do.

“30 is not the new 20. Take control of your adulthood.” “Don’t be defined by what you don’t know, or what you didn’t do.”

Step outside your comfort zone and define your life right now. Now is the last time you can waste.

Forgetting identity and venturing out of your comfort zone is never pleasant or easy. But if you do, you won’t regret it.