Before a word
Just in time for the 1024 Programmers’ Day, the apes salute and wish that we apes be proud of what we do.
May we dress ridicule, may our jokes often people don’t recognize the punchline, may we tacitly persistent outsiders feel puzzling, may our manners people around feel really boring, may we in today’s Internet hot slightly superior appearance makes people more and more feel we are alien…
But even so, I hope your attitude to us apes is: “Even if you don’t know what we do, you love us anyway”. Out of this complex, I’m a programmer, and I bring salt for myself and the apes!
1. How we dress
The thing we’re most teased about is what we wear: a jumper, jeans, and then a pair of flip-flops. This is our standard, if not special request, please allow us to wear this way, we feel relaxed and work more passion.
A great programmer doesn’t have time to take care of his appearance. The hair should look like Einstein, with a chicken nest on top, messy and fluffy, giving people the feeling that they can pull an egg out of their hair at any time. A big beard, reveal self-confidence and calm, not myopic, myopic will wear bottle bottom so thick glasses, a style of scientific research workers.
We are good at learning
We always like to learn and try new things, and our desire to learn is quite strong. In the Internet industry, the technology is updated and iterated at a fast speed. Only by continuous learning and trying, can we remain invincible. Only by doing things that we are originally incapable of, can we grow up quickly. So don’t let anything stop you from learning! Everything you’ve learned will come in handy at some point in your life.
3. We’re good at problem solving
We deal with the most everyday is bug, bug abuse me thousands of times, I treat bug like the first love. Maybe it’s the satisfaction of solving a problem, which makes us better at solving problems than you think.
4. We are simple
We are a group of simple and kind apes. We “only focus on technology, not people”, and refute each other’s views, are more humorous, will not “export dirty”. We will take the trouble to change the needs and bugs for customers. Compared with other industries, we have less infighting and more sincerity. Our leaders are easy-going and the working atmosphere is free.
5. We love to listen
Our brains often work at high speed, which is both good and bad. On the good side, we can listen to you talk about your problems for hours. On the bad side, we often get distracted as we try to figure out how to solve your problems. But at least we like to listen.
6. We’re creative
We are a group of creative apes, love programming, love to get up late, sometimes busy late into the night like learning, hard work, enjoy life love technology, created a miracle after another. The lol that people are having fun with, the Facebook that changed the way the world communicates, or the software that allows you to order food or taobao without leaving your home, is all due to our creativity, and in short, the value that we create for the world. (Apes, I’m getting cocky.)
7. We share
Programming night at noon, holding a mouse. Who knows programming xin, line all “heart” bitter; Dazed unconscious xiao, rubbing his eyes hard. Night is too hard, sleep knows how much;
Even so, we continue to share the results of our painstaking research, hosting various open source communities and blogs. Technology comes from sharing, of course, we also share the fun things about our lives, and it is because of our selflessness that society moves forward faster. So, I suggest that we open this kind of book to write something, a good memory is better than bad writing, one can urge themselves, two to exercise their expression ability, three to share with others.
We are very careful
Compile, debug, compile again, debug again, function run, SVN submit code (earthquake fire, the end of the world, also must submit the code before leaving), absolutely can’t let the program out of order, yes, we are a group of careful apes.
The benefits of dating us
Advantage 1: We don’t cheat; No time to philandering, of course, with your time will be relatively little.
Strength # 2: We’re smart, super smart.
Advantage 3: make you angry also please tolerate.
Advantage 4: We don’t bug you, we only debug code all day.
Advantage 5: we can speak many languages, is not very good fierce!
Strength 6: When we invite you to play with our “gadgets”… Don’t get the wrong idea, I just want you to play with my little childhood toys, we are a group of cute and innocent programmers.
Advantage 7: own own activity space, as long as give me a computer, I never interfere in your life.
Advantage 8:……
10. Catch a Programmer alive
Take a bait for the cute girl and put it in the place where the programmer apes usually haunt. After attracting their attention, the programmer ape will turn around and run away. The simple programmer ape will run close behind and occasionally turn back to pay attention to its movement and wait for the opportunity to capture it. If you encounter a struggle, you can kiss to numb it. Routine ape feeding is relatively simple, requiring ape house warm, dry ventilation, ape house network condition higher requirements. Every day with a proper amount of MOE feed, pay attention to obtain the trust of the program ape, cultivate affection, weekly can be appropriately taken out for a walk, program ape has no special requirements for exercise. However, it should be noted that only one monkey can be raised at a time, not with other cute girls. On this 1024 Programmers Day, we wish
As a programmer who changes the world with code and upends the future with intelligence, he has to work overtime to spend his life? NO! We should give ourselves more care, 1024 this day, we should have a holiday or refuse to force inefficient overtime!
Be brave enough to say NO to any requests related to working overtime. Embrace your girlfriend and enjoy yourself in the world of the game! Go to bed early, no overtime today! Don’t stay up late! Don’t stay up late! .
Special reminder:
Apes must not work overtime
Finally, the programmer installation guide is attached
“To do a good job, you must sharpen your tools.”
Computers don’t have to be tall, but double screens are a must, the bigger the better, a horizontal screen and a vertical screen is even better. One for research, one for code. In short, it should be very informative and efficient.
The chair doesn’t have to be comfortable, but it does have to be reclining.
Plenty of post-it notes, in all colors, to keep track of what needs to be done each day, as much as possible. Stick as much as you can along the border of your computer screen to make it look like you have a lot going on.
Reference books, Orelly, mechanical industry, electronic industry what can, can English On English, not photocopied version can also, anyway, the thicker the better, and do not put on the shelf, must be piled on the table, half open.
Start from the door
Dress! Dress! Whether you go to the lab, or to the company building, or in a small company’s home, or their own start-up black workshop; Whether it is spring, summer, autumn and winter day and night wind, rain, lightning, thunder, typhoon tornado, a b programmer should be very concerned about their clothes! This is a reference only. Basic attire: shirt + jeans + casual shoes. Intermediate attire: T-shirt + baggy shorts + slippers. Advanced outfit: vest + loose big flower shorts + flip-flops.
Good manners. In hallways and any kind of hallway, always put your hands in your pockets and walk like a riffraff, or at least a little antisocial, or if not, the nerd geek.
If a woman is poking around behind your back and muttering that this must be a tech guy, bow your head, keep your head down, slowly turn your head, smirk but don’t make a sound, and move on.
After entering the door, must not say hello to anyone, straight to their position, at most pass by a cup of coffee, do not have redundant action, show their focus and undistracted.
Sit down and don’t move again
When sitting down, lean back slightly, preferably with your legs crossed, and keep your head down so you can see the screen, and then never move again.
Roughly push a pile of books open a mouth in front of the computer, and then take off a note on the computer, take a look, but 3 seconds, you can start coding.
Do not use IDE if you can not use it, it is not installed, no matter what IDE is, must be switched to DOS as a black background.
If write foreground interface, debug background code constantly; If you’re writing Java, mix C in there; If you write C, you mix and assemble in there. Not only coding, but also reading a book in English from time to time. If you don’t understand it, you look at the illustrations and throw them in front of you to pretend to understand it and continue coding.
Use whatever looks high-end, practical or not. For example, for C++ : switch all re-polymorphic; If there are Pointers, make them all smart; C++ must write its own template; The numbers are as long as the names of all the macros to be replaced are possible; Struct does not appear, if present, must also use attriburte modifier; Operations are bitwise; Operators are overloaded; Networks are all concurrently buffered thread pools; Int is declared only by int32_t; Inheritance without ordinary, what much inheritance virtual inheritance ah; Helloworld also writes to catch exceptions; Later generations have a look at the code, among a heap of keyword extern, asm, auto, XXXXX_cast, volatile, explicit, the register, the template, the average total knock in int, the if, else, for small programmer suddenly heart of worship.
A comment? Let’s forget it. There are only two options: first, the variable names are so long that you can read the code as smoothly as you would read an English article, with no comments at all. Second, the code is so obscure that it doesn’t matter if you add comments or not.
Do not use IM tools to communicate, do not ask colleagues questions, they do not appear to have no level, are their own Internet or book.
Don’t look up, don’t look around, even if there is an earthquake or fire, submit your code before leaving.
Make a smart exit
If you have to leave, the host should not be closed by any means. At least run a daily build. If you have to submit it to SVN, you can barely pass it.
The book should have piled up in front of the screen again, do not tidy up, come back to open tomorrow.
Don’t force the last one to go, but must all non-programmers, what market ah front desk ah PM all gone, can go.
Be spontaneous when you leave, don’t pack anything up, get up, get out, okay, that’s it.
If I have to say something today, find the most frustrated programmer and tell him, you are too slow, don’t keep me waiting.
After a record
Don’t programmers get frustrated, hurt, or frustrated? Yes, and one day you may hum “shuang er shuang”, the next day you suddenly have “I want to cry but can not cry out” depression. So, you need to send care when we stay up late, lonely time to send greetings. In short, life as a programmer has never been better, but it is better everywhere.
1024 Programmer Day honors the programmers who change the world!
I’m sending you a song from the nuggets.
Audio address
Here are the lyrics:
I’m not working overtime today. I don’t want to miss the last bus
I’m not working overtime today for my waist plate
I’m not working overtime today, so don’t mention your needs after work
No overtime today, programmers need freedom
I’m not working overtime today. I just want to go home for dinner
After a long day of work and confusion, don’t be embarrassed
Hugh didn’t rest. His butt was wooden and his eyes were burnt
Classes are under the notice issued version, really very annoying
Then the boss began to cheer, and the comrade still had to work hard
I don’t care if I’m working on my own business
The clothes have been saving for days and there is no time to wash them
Please don’t let the company’s anger build up
I’ve only been in this business for two years
He had to work overtime to gain more than three years of experience
The test of a body of iron
Endless work has ruined health
I’m not working overtime today. I don’t want to miss the last bus
I’m not working overtime today for my waist plate
I’m not working overtime today, so don’t mention your needs after work
No overtime today, programmers need freedom
There is no time to eat in the morning and I am not hungry
Every morning they draw a big pie to keep you full
I’ll give you a sneer (hehe)
Two years without a raise sorry I don’t take the bait
Requirements keep changing and designs keep dragging
You want me to take the blame for all the delays
I’m still working overtime after my vacation
Where’s a life in this stupid job
Teasing me is a wild pointer with no object
You don’t need objects and you need object-oriented programming
Fuck, I’m dating a VR girlfriend
It’s up to you to create a sexual life
I’m not working overtime today. I don’t want to miss the last bus
I’m not working overtime today for my waist plate
I’m not working overtime today, so don’t mention your needs after work
No overtime today, programmers need freedom
I think a lot when I’m tired
I started to wonder if this was the life I wanted
I thought working overtime would make me grow faster
But the stress of work has aged me before my time
The more code you write, the less hair you have
I was afraid to take a shower when I saw the broken hair on the floor
There are fewer bugs, but life gets worse
You have to smoke two packs of instant noodles every day
996’s pace of work is about to overwhelm my dreams
9 to 5 is a hell of a luxury
Working for a living but I’m not a dog
I didn’t go to work so you could take away my freedom
I’m not working overtime today. I don’t want to miss the last bus
I’m not working overtime today for my waist plate
I’m not working overtime today, so don’t mention your needs after work
No overtime today, programmers need freedom
Read the nuggets source | programmer